I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
