The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
