about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
