im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
