Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
