i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
