Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
3 2 1 whiskey
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
