Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
