Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
