Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it hurts more in the daytime
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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