why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize