I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
