he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
