the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
