forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
