please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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