and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
