All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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