we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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