I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
