you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
