And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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