Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
