she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
