hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
