Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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