you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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