Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
