i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
