ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize