sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I am available for nakedness
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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