Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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