He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
