Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Randomize
