Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
