We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just found a bag of teeth...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize