I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have aggressive nipples.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
