New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
