Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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