You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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