Duck Duck Cougar?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
