I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
