Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
