turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
