Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
