Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
