You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
