There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
