You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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