she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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