he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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