What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
