I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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