i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
