I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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