i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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