i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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