You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
