the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
