The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
