I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
