mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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