I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
