When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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