I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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