All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
