life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
