i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize