Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
