Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
