Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
