yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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