im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
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